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If you're sexy and you know it slap your hams is a darkly funny, irreverently angry, and stupidly erotic contemplation of what it means to be a person, especially a sexy person, especially a sexy fat person, with supple, slappable hams. This is a good book for bad people, no judgement. A good book of poems for people who like a procession of dogs' dicks, bodily fluids, naked old ladies, groundhogs, asses, nose picking, depression and bisexual innuendo. A poetry collection like nothing else but actually like a lot of other things. Pushing the sad into the funny and back into the sad again, this book provides a portrait of a young human coping with a cruel and indifferent universe, love, life, mental illness, celebrity culture; and smizing all the way down. This poetry collection is a fat wet tongue writhing with pleasure and agony in the mouth of a culture overflowing with bad behaviour, worse intentions and even worse, smellier saliva. This book is like chicken soup for the soul, except someone misheard and they used chicken poop instead.

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